Help, I'm in love with a relative
So I've known a certain relative of mine for around 10-15 years now, we don't live together. We did at one point for a short while. I don't want to reveal what relative exactly in case it all gets traced back to me somehow.

It's so hard to decide where to start, whether I should tell a long version or a short version.

The short version is, I'm in love with a girl who will never love me back. Never ever. Mostly because she's related to me and she thinks relationships like that are disgusting. Also because she's been dating the same guy for like 6 years and will probably marry him. Despite this, I'm still obsessed with her. I religiously keep all her photos, I think about her way too often, I have sexual dreams about her, I fantasize about her. I hope beyond hope that I could just hold her in my arms or kiss her on the lips. I wish I could see her naked just once and burn it into my brain forever.

But I know it can't ever happen. I try and try and try again to forget about her. To put it in the past. But then I dream about her again and all those old feelings resurface again.

I look up online things like "how to cure unrequited love" and it says, once you learn she's not perfect and won't fix your life, you'll stop loving her. But that's completely wrong. I know she's not perfect. Heck we have so many things different about us. She's dumb and loves to vape. We have practically nothing in common. But my heart aches for her anyway. I know even if I had her my life wouldn't be perfect. But I feel a gut punch almost whenever I think about her. Which is often. We don't even talk anymore. Seriously I get a text from her like maybe once a year. But it doesn't stop me from thinking about her. The few times I've managed to forget her for a while, she butts back into my life for a family get together or something, and then im obsessed again.

Do you guys know any way of dealing with this? Any cure? There's got to be people here besides me that fell in love with a girl and had no way to get together with them because of society and still loves them a long time later.
I got nothing to say but my nickname: life isn't fair some times, but I hope you find a solution this issue soon.
Well why do you like her?

There is an answer, it's inside of you, it's just hard to learn that you can find it. There are some basic human emotions and needs but everything is built upon that. If you asked a prehistoric human "why do you want to hunt?" they may not understand that it's because they're hungry. But one day, a long time ago, as a child he/she connect the idea of hunting with hunger as a resolution. It's natural for us to forget the original reason for something, just like playing an instrument and spelling words become habits, the human brain is one of the most malleable brains. But deep down you should feel something.

You can't be attracted to something that doesn't have any properties, a void, because it doesn't exist, so there must be some property that she has that distinguished her from a rock, or a tree or other humans. Also, there are times when you don't have feelings for her, when your mind isn't considering the thing that makes you feel the way you do.

There's obviously a condition that makes you like her, or some thought process, try to figure that out when it's happening like "what did I just think about?" or "What about her did I notice first?" or "why do i sometimes not think about her?" It's could be just the way her face is shaped when she turns around, and that was translated into an attraction. Is it the thought of her being a relative and that she shouldn't be so opposed to these kinds of relationships. Deep down the answer is there because deep down you decided to feel this way.

Express it in simple terms Blue, Happy, Wanting companionship.

Like how we connect to specific animals, even if the animal is replaceable or isn't special, we crave connection just because having connection helped our ancestors reproduce. There are lots of possibilities. There's no one theory of the mind to explain how we feel or why we think certain things, it's an NP-hard problem, once we figure something out we can verify it by asking "how did this help my ancestors reproduce?" and "does this affect reproductive capability?" (some things don't) but there's no algorithm but advanced statistics in neurobiology and testing that can explain why we are they way we are, it requires brute force.

But yeah, I need more information. why do you like her? How old are you? anything that could help us answer those questions.
Are you in "love" or in "lust"?
girlluver said:
Are you in "love" or in "lust"?
Seems like love, the separation of lust and love is stupid, if he's struggling with this and it's painful for him you shouldn't invalidate it by saying it's not real. It's obviously love, love is always unique but it's love nonetheless.
I once fell hard in love with a girl in high school/college and she rejected me because she had a boyfriend at the time. This of course didn't stop me feeling like I had been punched in the gut everytime I met or saw her in the corridors. It was very frustrating because I had no control over this, similiar to your situation Omni.

About four years later as I was starting my engineering studies I realized I could have avoided a lot of these problems if I had sat her down in private and had a chat about her rejecting me (back when it had happened I sort of just wandered of in silence).

She was attending the same university as me but in a separate program so I only saw her rarely, but I still managed to explain my problem to her and that I really wanted some kind of closure before we went our separate ways in life. So we had lunch in a corner and I finally had the chance to say the things I wanted to say. I felt like a creep through the whole ordeal but my issues with meeting her was gone from then on. It is probably the most manly thing I have done in my life.

Lesson here is: Being in love for a long time fucks you up. Have a frank talk to your love interest about the issue when this stuff happens and you will be free in one way or the other. Forget your pride. Be a creep. Let biology guide you but at the same time show respect.