Help, I'm in love with a relative
So I've known a certain relative of mine for around 10-15 years now, we don't live together. We did at one point for a short while. I don't want to reveal what relative exactly in case it all gets traced back to me somehow.

It's so hard to decide where to start, whether I should tell a long version or a short version.

The short version is, I'm in love with a girl who will never love me back. Never ever. Mostly because she's related to me and she thinks relationships like that are disgusting. Also because she's been dating the same guy for like 6 years and will probably marry him. Despite this, I'm still obsessed with her. I religiously keep all her photos, I think about her way too often, I have sexual dreams about her, I fantasize about her. I hope beyond hope that I could just hold her in my arms or kiss her on the lips. I wish I could see her naked just once and burn it into my brain forever.

But I know it can't ever happen. I try and try and try again to forget about her. To put it in the past. But then I dream about her again and all those old feelings resurface again.

I look up online things like "how to cure unrequited love" and it says, once you learn she's not perfect and won't fix your life, you'll stop loving her. But that's completely wrong. I know she's not perfect. Heck we have so many things different about us. She's dumb and loves to vape. We have practically nothing in common. But my heart aches for her anyway. I know even if I had her my life wouldn't be perfect. But I feel a gut punch almost whenever I think about her. Which is often. We don't even talk anymore. Seriously I get a text from her like maybe once a year. But it doesn't stop me from thinking about her. The few times I've managed to forget her for a while, she butts back into my life for a family get together or something, and then im obsessed again.

Do you guys know any way of dealing with this? Any cure? There's got to be people here besides me that fell in love with a girl and had no way to get together with them because of society and still loves them a long time later.
I got nothing to say but my nickname: life isn't fair some times, but I hope you find a solution this issue soon.
Well why do you like her?

There is an answer, it's inside of you, it's just hard to learn that you can find it. There are some basic human emotions and needs but everything is built upon that. If you asked a prehistoric human "why do you want to hunt?" they may not understand that it's because they're hungry. But one day, a long time ago, as a child he/she connect the idea of hunting with hunger as a resolution. It's natural for us to forget the original reason for something, just like playing an instrument and spelling words become habits, the human brain is one of the most malleable brains. But deep down you should feel something.

You can't be attracted to something that doesn't have any properties, a void, because it doesn't exist, so there must be some property that she has that distinguished her from a rock, or a tree or other humans. Also, there are times when you don't have feelings for her, when your mind isn't considering the thing that makes you feel the way you do.

There's obviously a condition that makes you like her, or some thought process, try to figure that out when it's happening like "what did I just think about?" or "What about her did I notice first?" or "why do i sometimes not think about her?" It's could be just the way her face is shaped when she turns around, and that was translated into an attraction. Is it the thought of her being a relative and that she shouldn't be so opposed to these kinds of relationships. Deep down the answer is there because deep down you decided to feel this way.

Express it in simple terms Blue, Happy, Wanting companionship.

Like how we connect to specific animals, even if the animal is replaceable or isn't special, we crave connection just because having connection helped our ancestors reproduce. There are lots of possibilities. There's no one theory of the mind to explain how we feel or why we think certain things, it's an NP-hard problem, once we figure something out we can verify it by asking "how did this help my ancestors reproduce?" and "does this affect reproductive capability?" (some things don't) but there's no algorithm but advanced statistics in neurobiology and testing that can explain why we are they way we are, it requires brute force.

But yeah, I need more information. why do you like her? How old are you? anything that could help us answer those questions.
Are you in "love" or in "lust"?
girlluver said:
Are you in "love" or in "lust"?
Seems like love, the separation of lust and love is stupid, if he's struggling with this and it's painful for him you shouldn't invalidate it by saying it's not real. It's obviously love, love is always unique but it's love nonetheless.
I once fell hard in love with a girl in high school/college and she rejected me because she had a boyfriend at the time. This of course didn't stop me feeling like I had been punched in the gut everytime I met or saw her in the corridors. It was very frustrating because I had no control over this, similiar to your situation Omni.

About four years later as I was starting my engineering studies I realized I could have avoided a lot of these problems if I had sat her down in private and had a chat about her rejecting me (back when it had happened I sort of just wandered of in silence).

She was attending the same university as me but in a separate program so I only saw her rarely, but I still managed to explain my problem to her and that I really wanted some kind of closure before we went our separate ways in life. So we had lunch in a corner and I finally had the chance to say the things I wanted to say. I felt like a creep through the whole ordeal but my issues with meeting her was gone from then on. It is probably the most manly thing I have done in my life.

Lesson here is: Being in love for a long time fucks you up. Have a frank talk to your love interest about the issue when this stuff happens and you will be free in one way or the other. Forget your pride. Be a creep. Let biology guide you but at the same time show respect.
That's some really great advice Blep. I wish we could show it to others.
sorry about not replying for so long everybody but most the advice i kept getting was to just try and ignore it and forget about it and it would just go away. I guess the real problem when it comes down to it is that I don't really want it to go away.

If I really really wanted it to go away all I'd have to do is just completely forget about her and pretend I didn't like her and like some people have pointed out, try to focus on all the bad things about her that I don't like and realize that I have this sort of "dream version" of her that doesn't exist. Plus forget the idea that we will ever really be together cause that's just a fantasy.

Problem is I don't really want any of that because I guess I feel like that would be really losing her. Like at least in my mind I have this fictional version of her that I can actually be with. I mean, not really, like I'm not a crazy person or something. But sometimes I have dreams where we are together. Like, actual I fell asleep and had a dream.

I don't know talking about all this makes me nervous, I shouldn't have brought it up. Anyway I just didn't want to look like a dick that just ignored everybody and I appreciate the responses. It did help me come to terms with what I wanted and what I was really thinking.

What bothers me probably more than anything is the sad fact that I will probably never ever get to actually see her naked. I mean I've thought it about a million times but I'll never really see it. So sad.

I guess some people fall in love with anime characters they can never truly have a relationship with either so if I just think about it like that, maybe it's not so bad.
I created a fantasy version of my aforementioned crush as well. She was a perfect angel and a manifestation of all the things I couldn't have. In order to somehow 'deserve' her I had to find ways to be better or at least equal to her boyfriend at the time. This was complete bullshit obviously but I still clinged on to this idea thinking I could use it as a tool to better myself.

After a while this fantasy girl turned into a beautiful little demon that would constantly remind me that I was not good enough. As a result she became the focal point for my everyday frustrations and soon I started to not only hate her but all other pretty girls like her.

If you have a fantasy version of this girl in your head, Omni, I strongly advice you try to kill this version of her quickly before she destroys you. There was an anime music video called "MeMeMe!" from awhile back that I think illustrates the suffering and struggle from living with fantasy people really well.
Link: https://vimeo.com/113761700

Best way I can think of is to talk to the real version of your fantasy girl until something she does eventually annoys you, but it's your choice. Mentally blasting her apart with an assault rifle while wearing a Gundam suit also seems to be an option going by the music video :)!

Furthermore, don't feel bad about not being together with a love interest. I have never had a girlfriend in my life and I realize that is a perfectly fine way to live as long as I can be with friends, exercise, eat good food, play video games, read manga and jack off to quality loli porn in between. There are probably a lot of benefits in this type of lifestyle that so called regular people with romantic relationships will completely miss out on.

Also; thank you for starting this thread. Being honest about problems like these is more than what I would've managed when I was in my own similar situation. You have probably helped a few lurkers just by posting this (・ω・)b!

And also; Thanks for the support Turbotowns!
*pfiewh* this thread should have a wholesome-alert
totuku said:
*pfiewh* this thread should have a wholesome-alert
it really does. My advice was blown out of the water by this wholesomeness.

sad boi days
totuku said:
*pfiewh* this thread should have a wholesome-alert
lol guys, I didn't realize this was wholesome but I guess I'm glad it was a happy ending for the readers too. Maybe I should try a little harder to keep it extra wholesome? haha.

In response to @blep, that sounds like a pretty serious issue you had. I really don't see that happening to me though. I've been in love with this girl going on something like ten years and I've never had any thoughts of her being some kind of demon saying I'm not good enough. I think our difference arises from the fact that I don't think I'm not good enough for her, I just know we can't be together because we are related. She once brought up how disgusting she thought people were who dated people who were related, and although a part of me wonders if she was just secretly trying to see if I was okay with it, it seems like that's how she really feels about it. I don't know if I mentioned it already, but I did sort of hit on her once and her reaction was to get disgusted and block me on all social media for about 6 months until I 'acted normal' enough for her to get over it.

I don't think there's any danger of her becoming some fantasy that abuses me because like I said the only real problem is that we are related and she probably doesn't like me that way, not that I'm not good enough.

I am sorry for you that you've never had a girlfriend, it's an interesting experience. I would recommend online dating sites. If you try to date in real life you only get a tiny pool of women to choose from, those that you meet. If you date online it's like fishing with a hundred fishing poles on a hundred different boats. It's way more likely you'll find a fish that likes the bait.

It's kinda sad but all the girlfriends I ever had, I was secretly in love with this girl the whole time. I never told them about it because obviously they'd just get jealous and angry with me. I think I've always loved her more than any girlfriend I've had though, even when I was with them I would've left them for her. Maybe it's true love? haha.

While I'm content to just keep it a fantasy forever, lately I've been having problems with the fact that, as a religious man myself, she currently has a long standing boyfriend she will likely get married to. I know that biblicaly speaking, it's right there in the ten commandments, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife. I always thought that was something I'd never have to worry about, but now I wonder if I'm technically breaking that. When I fell in love with her she was single, for years, she even went through multiple boyfriends while I was in love with her. But I wonder if me still fantasizing about her and wishing she was mine when she's now with the man who will probably marry her... is wrong? sinful, even? I guess I really don't know the answer to that one.
My best bet so far is to try and remember the version of her before she started dating him and keep my little sex fantasies with her restricted to that time period, but it's difficult when all her new snapchats and instagram posts are so racy. It's much easier for me to find a great sexy picture of her now than before she was in the relationship. Maybe getting railed regularly has opened her up? haha sorry. Maybe all this is TMI? Well, this is a hentai site, so I expect you all can handle a little sexual talk.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest, whether I get replies or not I'm happy with the feedback I've gotten so far and I thank you all again.