How did this start for you
Just out of curiosity, can anyone say they know why they're into children (be it fictional or not)? For me I believe it stems from my lack of any actual romatic or sexual relationship. And rooted in the fact that my only sexual encounter has been with a 13 yo girl (back when I was 16).

I suppose the underlying reason for this post would be this. If my assumption is correct, in my situation, my pedophilia was a result of "nurture". Would it be reasonable to believe that there's a "cure" for pedophilia, you think?
For me, I don't know. It might have something to do with my baby sitter using me as a training doll for kissing when I was, like, 6 or 7.

When I discovered that, wow, porn is a thing, when I was something like 11 or 12 I was confused that there wasn't any of girls my age, no matter how much I scrolled down on Google Images(a.k.a. Not the best place to find CP). Then I discovered hentai, and with it lolicon.

Finally some porn with kids my age! Since then I never searched for real people porn seriously again, apart from one time which I will talk about shortly.

I had private access to the internet twice a week on the nights of the weekends(the laptop was always in the living room), and my internet was literally 13kb/s, so I had very little periodic doses of it. One day my hormones started to burn my brain and I decided to find real CP, this time in the Deep Web, of course. I went there, saw some images, meh. Did it 2 more times actually, every time the same reaction: meh. Lolicon was simply better, cleaner, crazier, easier to get and had more potential.

Never after I saw real CP, not because I vowed to never see it again like some do, but because I simply didn't like it. Nowdays I realize what I did and the snapshots of the images I saw those days still haunt me.

I believe that those days were the critical moment. I don't remember before, but afterwards even my fantasies were in drawn black and white, and still are to this day.

But I still thought I was a straight up pedophile, getting in contact with the anti-contact community(which I still am today... "Contact with the anti-contact", that's so ironic...) and even doing an 70 day NoFap to try to redeem myself. But then I realized that I was just a lolicon, attracted to the fictitious but not the real. In some ways that's even worse...

I refer to myself as an asexual to simplify the explanation of my sexuality to everyone. I mean, even asexuality is hard to explain to most people, imagine lolicon and all the misunderstandings it would cause.

bonjovie said:
Would it be reasonable to believe that there's a "cure" for pedophilia, you think?
Unfortunately for you friend, it's apparently incurable. A recent("recent", as in 10 years ago) study¹ by specialist in pedophilia Dr. James Cantor showed that there's a fundamental "rewiring" in the brain of pedophiles. Good luck "derewiring" a brain.

¹Cantor JM, Kabani N, Christensen BK, Zipursky RB, Barbaree HE, Dickey R, Klassen PE, Mikulis DJ, Kuban ME, Blak T, Richards BA, Hanratty MK, Blanchard R. J. Psychiatr. Res. 2008; 42(3): 167-183.

[✓]Citing a scientific paper in a hentai site
I think there are three major factors. One is that I was having sexual thoughts and fantasies really young, I think somewhere around 8-9. I had a pair of toy handcuffs, and when my parents were asleep and I was supposed to be napping, I would cuff myself to the bed and imagine a woman coming to "rape" me. So, I was already looking at things in that light at that age.

Two, is that I never really wanted to grow up, physically or otherwise. Finding out exactly how puberty works, and going through it, was a traumatic time for me because, well for one thing I didn't want to be a man, I hadn't complained about being a boy but a man is totally different. For another, it seemed like with every year, my peers got meaner, and adults expected more and gave less, and to this day I associate both of those things with getting older. So given the choice, I'd still be around 11-12 today.

Three: formative experiences with porn on Hentai Foundry, back when they allowed lolicon. I'd never heard of the concept before then, and barely knew anything about any kind of porn, but I sure found myself enjoying it once I had! For a while, sneaking to the site in a sandboxed browser instance was a regular part of my life, until I found better options.

Those are the big contributing factors for why I'm so into this stuff today. Or, maybe, they're symptoms of a way my brain is fundamentally different. Not sure. I'm also not exclusively pedosexual though, my motto is "Anything pretty works for me and the other details don't matter", so it's just one of my favorites of a wide variety of options. In general, I like anything 'different', whether that means underage, intersex, incest, interspecies, or crossdressing/traps. If it's normal, that's fine I guess, but the pic had better be 10/10 to make up for it.
Interesting, as I draw some parallels to myself I'm starting to believe pedoness is more inherent than I thought. Where perhaps my experience with the 13yo was more of a trigger rather than the whole mechanism. That is an excellent source btw Life_isn't_fair.

On that note I'd still like to hear from the rest of you.
There's a few things that I feel like contributes to it for me.

But I feel like I'm a bit different as I'm more attracted to the idea of being a loli rather than fucking one. Like, I fantasize about being 11 again and find an older man to be with. When I look at loli porn part of me is sometimes envious.

I'm a big age regressor and even when I was a kid I was always attached to the idea of being younger. I'd buy sippy cups and baby bottles as a middle schooler. Although I'm heavily into porn I'm also very much into the idea of being and feeling innocent too. I feel like loli is a bit of a mix of innocence and sexuality.

There's also the fact that I didn't have any friends in real life but started making friends online when I was 10, including pedophiles. Although I wasn't touched as a kid, I did have older men, whom were inappropriate and sexual, giving me my only positive attention and social interaction. One man I got very close with would encourage me to look at kids sexually and would show me actual child porn, of kids younger than me. So it was kind of a part of my up bringing in a way to look at children in a sexual nature, though I only felt it myself with lolicon and not actual children.

I do feel curious about actual kids though. But I feel like part of my curiosity is a need to feel like I need to look how they look under their clothes. As if that were the ideal appearance. I'm going to be turning 20 soon and I can't get the idea out of my head that I'm going to look and be old and gross not being a teenager anymore. Even though 20 is super young in the grand scheme of things, and you're not even done fully maturing, I can't help but feel depressed about it.
LittleSunKitten said:
I do feel curious about actual kids though. But I feel like part of my curiosity is a need to feel like I need to look how they look under their clothes. As if that were the ideal appearance. I'm going to be turning 20 soon and I can't get the idea out of my head that I'm going to look and be old and gross not being a teenager anymore. Even though 20 is super young in the grand scheme of things, and you're not even done fully maturing, I can't help but feel depressed about it.
I really understand where you're coming from here. I've sort of been training myself over years to care less and less about my physical body, but if not for that, I'd feel the same way. It just doesn't seem right, does it? What helps me is focusing more on other things, but it doesn't always make the feeling go away.
Big mood sunkitten, though I've more or less gotten over the fact that I'm not really "cute" anymore. Although I'd like to think that maintaining a good sense of what you look like can help accentuate the adult child in ones self; I can only loosely describe this as 'mature immaturity'. I don't know, I guess I'm just saying there's still the possibility of being treated like a child (in a respectable manner) despite your appearance. And that that is about the best we can do...until we find a cure for ageing.
bonjovie said:
[...]until we find a cure for ageing.
We're actually quite close to this, it may happen in our lifetimes. That means that the first immortals are amongst us. But it will still take a long time if we continue research at the same rate, if only there was more founding...

Videos if you want to know more:
https://youtu.be/MjdpR-TY6QU
https://youtu.be/cZYNADOHhVY
Bonjovie, you wrote that your first experience was with a 13 year old girl. Most girls or young women are fertile by then. It is only natural to be attracted to that age. It is called hebephilia for early adolescence and ephebophilia for later adolescence. If you try to make yourself unattracted to them, you are trying to go against nature -- you are trying to make yourself a pervert.

As for how 'it started for me', hebephilia started with puberty. I read many erotic stories, also of girls younger than that and enjoyed them.
Aratano said:
Bonjovie, you wrote that your first experience was with a 13 year old girl. Most girls or young women are fertile by then. It is only natural to be attracted to that age. It is called hebephilia for early adolescence and ephebophilia for later adolescence. If you try to make yourself unattracted to them, you are trying to go against nature -- you are trying to make yourself a pervert.

As for how 'it started for me', hebephilia started with puberty. I read many erotic stories, also of girls younger than that and enjoyed them.
I see this argument on occasion, and though it does make some sense it rides on the assumption that everyone would normally find girls of that age sexually attractive, which simply isn't the case. Especially when arguing "by nature" for sexuality, it's sincerely difficult to pinpoint what is "normal" considering what we all should know by now is a very large grey area in many cases. It's also difficult to say whether hebephilia and pedophilia are even different at their core. In my opinion, they could easily be variations of the same...disfuction (lack of a better word).

Also, erotic stories of children? Do you mean like manga or just straight up novels?
There was a study in which researchers presented men with photos of adolescent females, noted with their supposed age, and had the men rate how attractive they were. For a given image, the men responded that the female was more attractive when she was labeled as being older. I suspect they changed their answer because they felt under pressure. I suspect some men not only lie to others, but lie to themselves also. I do not have the study bookmarked.

Our society has become dysfunctional because it has become poorly able to cope with hebephilia. I read that some societies far removed unurbanized ones do still cope with it well though.
For example:
Girls typically get their periods between the ages of 10 and 12, and as soon as the period begins, girls are married off.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yanomami

I read amateur, text-only stories from Usenet. It has been years since I did that though.
There is a mirror of many of them here: Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository https://www.asstr.org/
I'm not terribly in agreement with such a study, as a reactionary one would be better (one that doesn't denote age and observers arousal patterns in the brain...or something similarly unbiased), but upon doing my own googlin I'd have to be in agreement with one thing. Attraction to "adolescence" isn't terribly abnormal, be it reasonably immoral to at on said attraction.

Also, I wouldn't suggest subscribing to such broad ideology, specifically ones that lump a generalized group into a generalized state such as being dysfunctional. That's a road I've seen a few friends go down, and it just leads to miserable paranoia.

And thanks for da link, I'll check it.
I poorly wrote:
Our society has become dysfunctional because it has become poorly able to cope with hebephilia.
I mean that the inability of our society to cope with hebephilia is a degradation of a social ability (some call that 'degeneracy') and is dysfunctional. It was wrong and unintended to generalize about that being the cause of dysfunctionality in general. As far as dysfunctions are concerned, I consider it as one of many.
I see, I'd definitely agree on how people generally treat the manner...unfairly. I say this having first hand experience; traumatized to the point celibacy. Still, I wouldn't consider it something to advocate. I'm still always thinking about how the experience could've affected the girl; I can only hope that I've taken the brunt of it, and I'm just a distant memory at this point.

Oh boo-hoo me right....*exhaustive sigh*
You only wrote that you had a 'sexual encounter' with her -- not that you did something terrible to her. I will guess that you didn't do something terrible to her. In which case, you are worrying over nothing. You obviously care about her. At worst, society (sometimes a psychologist) is going to cause her to reinterpret her experience later in a warped negative way, which would be her own fault and that of the society. However, I think it was more likely a positive life experience. I know a women who's first experience was with me when she was in her mid-twenties and she was frigid. I think it is a common effect that being without experience until old causes women to be frigid. As long as you didn't deceive her, you probably did a positive thing for her adjustment and perhaps her attitude will help society a little. This is all presuming that she did not become pregnant. So, as far as I can tell, you probably did a good thing. Be happy about it! She would rather be a good memory for you also.
I mean, I just dry-humped her to climax, and stole a first kiss. Really it was when she told someone that things went south. A good number of people at my school found out, even a teacher, the experience was quite vexing. Though what hit me most is how I couldn't even look at her anymore; with each encounter her voice growing softer, reserved, distant. "Hey [my name]" is the only thing she'd say afterwards.

I feel so stupid, I wish I'd ever say anthing back.

...yup, I've at least grown a good deal since then. Still a virgin though.
I just discovered my interest in this literally a few days ago. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks.

It's obvious I'm a hebephile. I've always felt and known this, but somehow I always dodged accountability for it to myself. One day recently I was just going down rabbitholes and discovered the word. I looked it up and thought about it for a minute.. and I knew.

I never really had much in terms of sexual experiences. I was good looking but fucking dense and blew so many opportunities. I've never actually been with a woman. I'm in my mid 20's...

I've been undergoing a gender transition (MtF) for over half a year now. My sex life picked up, but with men. Honestly they're a prop to enhance my own feminine experience. It's fucked but hey there it is. I do legitimately enjoy the sex, immensely, but I'm not 'really' attracted to the guys.

I bring all this up because someone mentioned projection into the characters. I kind of get that. I long to be a 11-13 year old (of either gender) having an experience with someone older. I found hentai one time that featured barely pubescent boys being so overwhelmed by succubi they basically lost themselves to it and became slavish. In my mind, that age seems to be the height of possible erotic stimulation, kind of like how the teenage brain reacts to music like it's cocaine, and it bothers me greatly that the ship has sailed and I blew it.

All this being said, despite my sincere love for the male genitalia, I'm gynephilic. I fundamentally want women or at least those who identify and present as such. Fembois get a pass too. So...I find young girls who are starting to develop secondary sexual characteristics as prime. I both envy them and am very much attracted to them sexually.

Fucking Pandora's Box. It's open...
Princess_Kitty said:

Fucking Pandora's Box. It's open...
Yeah, it happens. At least there's a bunch of people here that you can talk to about it.

Also, welcome to the site! I noticed you just made your account. You're the second MtF to be active here, the first being Sumire-chan. It seems strangely common in this community...

I guess it maybe is connected to the "wannabe loli" motiv that appears to be soo common with everyone here, including me to a certain extent...
I DEMAND RESEARCh but there's no one to do it ;-;
Research would be interesting, although I'm personally hesitant to claim that my subgroup is at increased probability to have this philia, at least the component that is specifically about sexual attraction and not simply idealization. I'm also hesitant to claim that hebephiles and the rest have a higher comorbidity with gender dysphoria than the average rate.

It could be, but I kind of hope not for the sake of public acceptance. It's the last thing trans people need associated with them.

I suppose you could measure genital bloodflow of a large sample pool of trans people when exposed to these images to see whether or not there is an increased proportion of those who are aroused compared to the general population.
Life_isn't_fair said:
Also, welcome to the site! I noticed you just made your account. You're the second MtF to be active here, the first being Sumire-chan. It seems strangely common in this community...

I guess it maybe is connected to the "wannabe loli" motiv that appears to be soo common with everyone here, including me to a certain extent...
I DEMAND RESEARCh but there's no one to do it ;-;
I don't have a lot of time, so shorter/less thoughtful reply than usual, but I see three major reasons that might be the case. One, is that transgender people tend to spend a lot more time and energy on fantasizing about different bodies and different lives than most of the population. This naturally leads to exploration of different concepts, and could theoretically result in more willingness to explore and like offbeat ideas. Two, is that as I mentioned somewhere once before, with the exception of breast and butt size, lolis could be considered hyperfeminine, more-girl-than-girl. When you're missing something and want it badly, overcompensation is common. Three, is that transgender people frequently have unfulfilling childhoods due to the issue directly and related problems with self-esteem and so on. This could lead to more of a sense of being 'stuck' in those years since we (I at least) didn't get what we needed out of the period, and some inner part identifying with that age group still.

This is all random theorycrafting of course but any/all would at least make sense.
Princess_Kitty said:
Research would be interesting, although I'm personally hesitant to claim that my subgroup is at increased probability to have this philia, at least the component that is specifically about sexual attraction and not simply idealization. I'm also hesitant to claim that hebephiles and the rest have a higher comorbidity with gender dysphoria than the average rate.
I think they do, people with gender dysphoria tend to have more psychological problems than average(although I think that's how media translate the research pointing this with depression in specific, I need to dig this more), and pedo/hebephilia kinda are psychological problems. Of course we can never tell without actual research, but my guess is something like being 2-5% more likely to be a pedo/hebephile than the average.

Princess_Kitty said:
It could be, but I kind of hope not for the sake of public acceptance. It's the last thing trans people need associated with them.
Holy yes, there's discrimination enough already. I was an spectator in a scam that some trolls were saying that pedophiles were entering the LGBT+ to make them look bad. While the communities interact a little, they are really far from each other, and the LGBT+ tend to dislike the idea of anexation because of exactly that: public acceptance. The pedo side, on the other hand, actually considers the idea, but they know it wouldn't work, they wouldn't improve their images, just degrade everyone else's, and that is why even the ones who consider pedophilia an sexual orientation don't want to enter the LGBT+ .

Princess_Kitty said:
I suppose you could measure genital bloodflow of a large sample pool of trans people when exposed to these images to see whether or not there is an increased proportion of those who are aroused compared to the general population.
Yeah, that's how they do it, although it's a very imprecise way of doing it, not that we have many alternatives... The heads of the research on pedo/hebephilia are all teams that researched/research transgender people, so the could "easily" do it if they are interested, but I doubt something like this would be the priority.

Sumire-chan said:
I don't have a lot of time, so shorter/less thoughtful reply than usual, but I see three major reasons that might be the case. One, is that transgender people tend to spend a lot more time and energy on fantasizing about different bodies and different lives than most of the population. This naturally leads to exploration of different concepts, and could theoretically result in more willingness to explore and like offbeat ideas. Two, is that as I mentioned somewhere once before, with the exception of breast and butt size, lolis could be considered hyperfeminine, more-girl-than-girl. When you're missing something and want it badly, overcompensation is common. Three, is that transgender people frequently have unfulfilling childhoods due to the issue directly and related problems with self-esteem and so on. This could lead to more of a sense of being 'stuck' in those years since we (I at least) didn't get what we needed out of the period, and some inner part identifying with that age group still.

This is all random theorycrafting of course but any/all would at least make sense.
Yeah, it makes sense. I don't really know that much about trans psychology (I need to read more about it), but, given the little I know, your explanation makes a lot of sense to me.

(Holy shit, is this the biggest post in the forum?)
I'd also like to see research on whether this would be different for trans women vs. trans men. I bet it would be.

I've noticed trans people idealize their chosen gender in a way that cisgendered people really don't do, because they take it for granted. There are a lot of trans women who are gynephilic and love femininity as an identity and as a preference.

Of course you start veering into Blanchard's typologies with this kind of thinking, which is problematic considering his methodology and biases, but there are small kernels of truth in them.

It seems that people who are highly androphilic are attracted to maturity. We associate full masculine development, grit, and experience as the paradigm of maleness. On the gynephilic side, let's state the obvious that the paradigm of femaleness is to be as youthful and innocent as possible while being capable of reproduction.

So, perhaps it is possible that a combination of gender idealization and the ingrained biological impulses towards attraction within the perceived likelihood of good child raising (youthful, fertile women and strong men capable of defending against threats to the household) might create an inclination towards hebephilia for specifically gynephilic transgender women.

Just a thought.
It has been a great learning experience reading your thoughts about this, as I don't understand much about the topic because I neither have gender dysphoria nor know anyone who has.

Also, Blanchard? This name seems familiar...
[Researches]
Oh! He is one of the "heads of research" I talked about before, though I haven't read anything by him, I guess I should...
I love this community.

It all started with a girl I dated a little more than a year ago. She was basically a loli, small, cute, somewhat childish face, high pitched voice, pink bright clothes, and the kind of personality that a loli would have, but a smug loli.

I was 15 and she was 16 (weird right), a few months after we broke up I discovered Eromanga sensei, I had just been introduced to anime and manga and such things by her and as complete degenerate normie found that I was very attracted to lolis and formed a crush on Sagiri. I read the manga before the anime and was just very taken by the art style, I wasn't really attracted to a lot of other manga and hentai.

At first my bing searches were "cute anime girl", but they evolved into something more like "Neko Musume gape" and other not so "normie" things. And I discovered pixiv and eventually Danbooru and lolibooru.

psychologically, I'd find something that I instinctively run away from but deep down I really liked it. I accept things and go "you know what I like this" and then I end up do liking it. I relaxed my mind and accepted it.

It's part of my identity now, to show someone my loli collection is the last step of personal intimacy before they become part of me. It's looking for acceptance and enthusiasm in sharing. I've always had an attraction to other people so my first peers being so young I think that also made me more accepting of the concept of sexualized little children.

Also, my grandfather was a pedophile, he made tapes and distributed child porn. I would never offend though, I understand that young children can't understand the implications of sexual things, it's damaging to them.

P.S. I wish I was as good at writing as you guys.

It was a gradual acceptance and desensitization that got me to LOVE lolis, I don't know if that means that I'm naturally attracted to that or if anyone can be. I'm definitely a more pedophillic than the norm. I think that pedophilia at least somewhat genetic because the community is growing, not dying, even with intense opposition and cultural bias. Each of us probably somewhat independently discovered our liking of this while many others did not, which means that there is something about us or our environment that makes us special. Are we more accepting? Are we hereditary pedophillic?
I just kinda got into this because I always like "cute" looking girls, they were my biggest turn on and I was always searching porn sites for young and cute girls and the epitome of that in porn is 18 year old porn. I found that generally speaking the younger the porn star was the cuter she was. Then it just hit me, what if I didn't cut the age off at 18, wouldn't the girls get even cuter? The only legal recourse for that at that point was lolis.

Its more cute than sexual to me and the only real sexual charge I get out of it is the whole 'wrongness' and 'immorality' of it and how i know im not supposed to do it. Ironically (or not consequently?) I don't have any interest in deep web type websites with lots of illegal young girls because they completely normalize it. I also don't care for nudists because again it makes the nudity normal and non-sexual so it becomes boring for me.

I guess that sort of makes me not a "real" loli/pedo enthusiast because if it all ever become widely accepted I'd probably mostly lose interest lol (would still like cute young teen lolis though, just too cute)

On a note about research:
another thing that really made me realize I definitely liked lolis was a relative of mine I had who was very young and I was much older. We flirted a lot and spent a lot of time together and wrestled and all kinds of things. I eventually fell in love with her (oops) but she never truly liked me back.
She was kind of a bit average looking, not all that attractive, and everyone kept telling me she was ugly, even herself, so I started going online and pretending to be her on dating websites to find guys that found her attractive to prove to myself and a little bit to her that she was actually quite hot.

Well that inevitably led me to flirting with adult men who were getting super turned on looking at a girl who was somewhere between the ages of 10-13....
I ended up doing further research, creating an account where I listed her age as 18, and acting slutty to see what guys would be attracted to her despite her incredibly young age.

I eventually came to the conclusion that virtually every male on earth is a pedo/hebe. Society has taught them that it's not okay to like girls under 18 but if they see a girl and think shes 18, they allow themselves to be attracted.
I got hundreds of messages on that account from adult males who wanted to have sex with her, even though her pictures weren't blurry or misleading. About 80% of them would freak out and try to run away when I revealed her age actually wasn't 18. Sometimes I'd say 15, or 13, or even 11, see what they said. Basically the younger I said the harder it was for them to continue the conversation. But if they didn't run away instantly, I could convince about 95% of them to stay and forget her age and want to have sex/cybersex anyway regardless of her age.

Keep in mind this varied from 20 year old guys to 35 year old office workers. They liked her body so they wanted her regardless of the age. Sure there was a bunch of people who immediately blocked me or stoppped messaging me when they learned my age, but again not only was that in a tiny minority, but they were still attracted to her despite running away.

It's sad to think that most men are all hebe's and they sit around judging other men who are actually willing to accept their interests
like someone else said, the female body is designed for sex and pregnancy by as young as 11-13. It's against nature to pretend we aren't attracted to them so it is any surprise?